“How To Edit Like An Expert”

Hare Kṛṣṇa Prabhus. Pamho, Śrīla Prabhupāda ki jay!

Perhaps some of you may welcome my attempt at humour to counter the dark and disastrous effect of the BBT book changes….. if so, read on…

Okay, so I thought I’d try my hand at editing. I mean, how hard can it be – especially seeing as no formal qualifications seem to be required! This should be a walk in the park.

But to be safe anyway, and not wanting to run the risk of ruining any important literary masterpieces, I figured a nursery rhyme like “Baa Baa Black Sheep” would be a good place to start. All I had to do next was choose the obligatory pen-name…

I settled on Dry Waiter Swampy (any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental and is in no way intended).

So here goes:

“Bleat bleat dark ovine,
Hast thou a fibre quantity?
Aye gent, aye gent,
Triple sacks replete.
A single unit for the head honcho,
Another for his lady true,
And the last for the juvenile male
Who resides along the avenue.”

There! No harm done at all! That was much easier than I thought it would be. What a terrific improvement I think I’ve made! Now I’m truly inspired..

Next, I will re-write the lyrics to the entire Beatles catalogue of songs. After that, who knows…? Maybe.. I dunno..? Newton’s Law of Gravity?

If no-one is going to tell me to pull my head in, I think The Adventures Of Superman could do with a bit of colour. I would replace Perry White with Billy Graham (the evangelist); Lois Lane with Germaine Greer; and Jimmy Olsen with Tiger Woods. Of course Clark Kent would be replaced by Julian Assange, a very appropriate choice.

Indeed, my ‘pièce de résistance’ will surely be my revised edition of The Holy Bible, the Dry Waiter Swampy version. I can’t wait. It will be completely rewritten to catch up with modern times. No more celibacy and strict discipline – instead, in with political correctness. Married priests, gay priests, same-sex marriage, lesbian ministers, gay & lesbian married priests… oh, I’m frothing at the mouth! No-one can stop me now, I’m on a roll…

Yhs, “Bhakta” Sam
हरे कृष्ण